Men/Arses* Behaving Badly and Paranoia

In a weekend that saw the heidiest of the heidiest get together at Gleneagles for their annual free drinkdrugandwhores sash bash- well Gordon Smith was the heidie in charge-, the worst team EVER to grace the SPL was lurching into nothingness. They lived the dream and now certain relegation and dropping doon the leagueness- like the Harry Rags- beckons.

What kind of impression will Mr Platini and Mr Blatter have of oor wee nation when the main league forces a club to go bust by making them ground share wie another club- that a few years ago was in the mire- at a base a 2 hour drive from their hame? We all said it would end in tears and it has, now, as was said to me today, only Killie, Hearts and Der Hun to go...

I’m sure a team going into administration is nothing compared to Mr Platini being witness to a game played on a sometime rugby pitch- the lines were still visible- to being part of the sponsor less Scottish Cup draw, which involved a four team aye, naw or mibbee.

I wonder just how Gordon Smith explained the workings of the draw to Blatter and Platini. How did he explain to them that they were putting their hands into a bag wie hot and cauld baws and Blatter had to pick the cauld ones and Platini the hot ones? Did Platini, we a Gallic shurg, say “ zeee hot balls no problem monsieur Smith” will plunging his hand into the bag like a pro.

The fact that Celtic and Der Hun were kept apart was no surprise when the SFA are hawking the premier cup competition roond prospective sponsors like some cheap tat and they require the whiff of a all Glesga final- Celtic V The Harry Rags- still to be a possibility to shake some sheckles from them.

I would have loved to see Gordon’s face yesterday. His joy at the fact that we were crashing oot the cup would have been tempered wie the thought that a couple of grand was slipping away as us taigs looked like blowing his blackadderish plan. Still his face widnae have been as priceless as der Tangoman- see link to goal here and watch Tangos reaction.

Last minute goals for the hoops create a number of reactions. Joy in Timdom. The hugging of family members, kissing of née’ ours dugs, the screams of delight that awake slumbering auld timers next door and best of all the cursing, the swearing, the face contorted cry of “jammie bastards” from huns.

Apart from at The Rhodders maeself and in ma living room, I would have gave anything to be on any pub in Paisley Road West yesterday when JVOH saved oor and his bacon wie that goal. The bile, vemon and general sickness wid have been magic. They live for us to fail mair than we live for them to fail. I couldnae give a rats erse aboot their results. Yes, I want them to get pumped but not mair than I want ma team to win.

The ones I know are the opposite. They would like to see us lose before they win. Stupid feckers. Before any of you argue have a look the next time you are in a bear pit. They’re awe Kevin Keegans infamous Sky Sports interview, luvin it if we died a horrible death by gun or by plague, which makes us go yellow, lose oor hair and oor teeth faw oot.

But I suppose the last minute goal must have got to another Hun quite badly, an auld senile reeking of pish in a cardie one. His reaction after The Skankmonster- never been so glad to see a player getting suspended- tried to kill a Hibee- well, that is a slight OTT description, it was a two-footed lunge a straight red- was one worthy of Alex Demento Ferguson himself. I have never seen nothing like it.

Walter Nosurname committed 4 breaches of the rulebook in a “minute of madness”- as Radio Scotland called it. He left his technical area, entered the opposing teams technical area, he used threatening behaviour and- worst of all- pushed the fourth official oot the way.

How dignified that he has decided not to appeal the automatic two game ban. How dignified that the SPL have not decided to investigate the misdemeanour further even though it’s the worse incident of it’s kind in recent years. See it here.

Much worse than Garry Pendry against Hearts. Much worse than GS v Aberdeen or GS against anyone in his two and a bit seasons in charge. Makes you wonder what the medijas and the suits reaction would be if it were oor Gordon? Beheading? The electric chair? Hanging perhaps?

I’m am being paranoid? Well, here are some other things I noticed this weekend.

When De Visscher scored for the Sheep against us he ran of the park and caused a rush to the front of the stand. A bit like Skippy against Gretna. Was he booked? No. Arfur got booked last week for “incitement” for applauding the whole stadium when leaving the field, which gave us a comedy moment yesterday when he asked the MIB if he could applaud the vocal hoops support at the final whistle.

Yesterday, JVOH celebrated right in front of the Aberdeen fans and on Saturday ex Hoop Ryan McCann celebrated his 70- yard wonder strike in front of a rabid Dundee support who pelted him wie coins. Were any of them booked? Naw, just as Coosans wisnny booked for leaving the park a few weeks ago.

Paranoid moi?

You canny help be paranoid wie this clip. So is this how the others see us? I’ve said before that we are turning into tartan army light. Hopefully a few of these hoops who think wearing kilts and see you jimmy hats is part of the away experience will watch this and bin this practise.

I hate Celtic fans in kilts or stupid green tartan suits- like a wee fellow who used to be abroad awe the time, remember I saw him- well his dad- charging or taking money for guys having their picture taken. Disgusting it was.

So, the next time you are going abroad and you see a half pissed fuckwit in a kilt, remember this clip and but him squarely in the baws.

Forza