It's A Sad Day When Mark McGhee Seems A Guid Option

"Don't Fancy Yours Much" 

You know that yer mind is playing tricks oan you when you start thinking that "So You Think You Can Dance" is great Saturday night entertainment and that Primark do a great range of cardigans that you could wear to yer work.

You scrape the bottom oaf the barrel though when you start thinking that thir might be something aboot Mark McGhee.

The most hated man in Scottish Fitba' has played a blinder in the last few weeks. After nicking a draw to the Mighty Kirkcaldy Rovers he used the tool of the written press to huv a go at the Famous In The 80's FC support accusing them of being over critical of his players.

The Famous In The 80's FC support took exception at this and are guaranteed to support such luminaries as Darren Mackie and the eye make up wearing cross dressing emo looking 16 year old Fraser Fyvie, wie such gusto that even if the support found thir wife being part of a prawn sandwich between, Zander Diamond and Charlie Mulgrew they wid forgive them and say: "Go on!"

McGhee has used this to develop a siege mentality in his group of averagely endowed players by asking them to prove that they are guid enough to play fir the once famous club.

He then added to that mentality by his throw away comment regarding the Inactive Scottish Cup. He knew that the press wid react in outrage at the very inkling that The Once Famous Club wid lay doon to those pesky kids fae the East and the Red Tops wrote his team-talk.

Mind gemmes of the highest order. It's an art oor manager disnny do.

I'm sitting here typing this wondering how Mark McGhee wid have reacted to the injustices we have faced this season.

I'm sitting thinking he is a manager going places and oors is like a one-legged duck going round in circles.

Despite awe this, The Once Famous Club never goat what they deserved.

They deserved to win. GIRUY! Yease didnae!

At 4-2 down wie 20 minutes to go they should have been mourning the loss of 3 points like a farmer mourning the passing of his prize Ewe. But..this Celtic team don't get what they deserve nevermind get whit they dinny deserve.

For us being in that situation means that it's two points lost to the most Burberry clad casual observer to us others that look at the whole 9 yards it's actually a point gained.

Oor lame duck manager said it wis inexplicable that we threw the gemme away. Those of us that pay attention say it was predictable as 15 points pished up against a wall fae winning positions this season is a testament to soaking trainers.

How did it come to this? Well..everybody in? And we will begin.

The Myth wandered in from playing Mario Kart in the treatment room wie Frodo to partner Clubfoot in the heart of a defence so weak that Donald Findlay widnae take oan it's case.

The bench again screamed that by some shot we have the best collection of players in the land, defence apart who are not the best set of defenders in the bottom half of the SPL, and that the question of why we are failing so badly now needs to be answered and acted upon by someone qualified.

The only reason we goat a point was due to Tubby in the goal. Weeks oaf inactivity seemed to have sharpened his Garfield Shaped Cat Instincts and in a second half, when the term hanging oan was a fair description oaf the fare, he produced a number of saves reminiscent of that goalie we had in 2006.

He also goat a hand to a penalty. Ok, he never saved it but it wis better than diving the wrong way. Top man!

The Cad has developed a style of a rabbit oan a B road being faced doon wie a Essex Tractor. His stock is diminishing quicker than my lucky underpant drawer.

In the middle fir diddle Clubfoot won the award oaf being oor best defender oan the day but that's no compliment when him and his partner in crime, The Myth, didnae win a heider awe day and they visibly wilted everytime any sort of loutish lob entered thir air space.

The Myth, jist returning fae injury played like a rickets ridden Victorian chimney sweep and his sending oaf wis the highlight oaf his day.

Edson Barrowfield has caught the curse oaf the left back. Had a massive, ahem, hand in 3 Sheepie scores and the moment he auditioned fir the La Lakers wis the gemme changing moment. Lee Naylor and Anton Rogan looked oan suitable impressed.

It wis a mixed day fir the widemen. Aiden was like a toddler running around oan Aberdeen beach dribbling around badly assembled sandcastles and his goal when he collected a short corner, enticed the defender wie his alluring smell of Musk Fir Men then dinked it by him and rocketed his first shot oan target in weeks past Lounging Langfield wis wan fir his scrapbook.

The following in Pharaoh, Kris Kamara hud goat the Hoops oaf to a perfect start after he slid hame fie a tight angle striking northwards. He faded, seemed bemused by the fact that he wis playing oan a beach.

Captain Broon and Landry were striped fir duty problem wis that no-one knows quite what that duty wis. Being courageous and competitive surely wir oan the list but uncreative and careless whir late editions tae it fae the opposing.

Captain Broon deserving a nod and a wink fir his feed the bear type stride in the lead up to oor second goal. Though, if he needs to see how to keep the ba', Davie came oan and wie 3 completed passes and more than doubled oor middle midfield men's completion rate fir the day. 

He also hit a Korean rocket that Lounging Langfield palmed away before continuing his knuckle shuffle while thinking aboot his performance.

The Unholy Trinty Of Failed EPL strikers scored. I would expect them to score maist weeks as if truth be told then are better than what they will face week in and week oot. It's jist unfortunate that they huv been bad in a previous life and thir strikes willnae save thir souls that oor back 4 serve up to the Devil on a weekly basis.

The Solider Of Fortune had a difficult afternoon. His goal wis a thing of beauty. A driving run fae Captain Caveman and a teasing pass, so teasing that it was akin to feeding a pony through a horsebag, fae Keano served him up wie an easy rap a tap tap at the back post.  

His other work failed to pass trading standards regulations.

The  Mis-Sitter Messiah kept his non-strike rate doon tae two shots that hit the goalie and he lended a shovel to another two of the holes we dug in the once famous clubs goals against column. He scored after The Cad rather uncivilised horsed a ball to the back post allowing Robbie to out jump a defender at the back post to send a loopy Lou into the net.

He will have better days and the hook he received jist afterwards fir Fannyras wisnny a reflection oan his contribution but because Fannyras could defend set plays better than a midget.

Yes, you did read that right. Fannyras brought oan due to his defensive abilities. Rasputin was brought oan, I think, to waste time.

We are a team that looks like Bette Midler. From a distance we look a sure bet up close we are fuckin' butt ugly and it's like watching Beaches oan repeat.

The chances to make this a race not a canter are running oot. The odds that Project ToMo will end up buried in a rubbish tip wie Johnnie 5 and Metal Mikey are getting shorter by the day.

Where do we go from here? No where near Mark McGhee I hope and it's safer at the moment to go doon the pub than think aboot it. The fat lady is not singing but that burd fae the Sally Army has goat her trumpet oot and is striking up a tune.

Paaaaarrrrrrrppppppp!

YIC.