Unrating The Gemme: The Wind Beneath My Wings Edition.

Tale Of The Tape

ABERDEEN (4-4-2) Langfield; Foster, Diamond, Mulgrew, Paterson (y); Paton (Ifil 90), Kerr, McDonald, Aluko (Fyvie 70); Big Cunty Baws, Mackie(y)

Subs not used: Nelson, Young, Duff, Grassi, Marshall



CELTIC (4-4-2) Tubby; The Cad, Clubfoot, Myth (yy), Barrowfield; Aiden (y), Captain Broonie, Landry (Davie 64), Kris; Keano (Fannyras 73), MAF (Rasputin 64)

Subs not used: Cool Hand Luka, Wilo, The Weasel, ZZ



Stats Entertainment



Possession 44% to 56% away win

On Target 6 to 15 away win

Off Target 2 to 3 away win

Corners 4 to 6 away win

Fouls 13 to 14 away.



I'm beginning to doubt the validity of these stats. Ashley Cole has come up wie mair believable excuses than these. It looks like we were once again unlucky. Those who watched it will disagree.



Match Rating: -5



Any gemme that is described as a great advert for the Scottish gemme, which involves us, is code for a great gemme fir everywan not oaf a Celtic mind to laugh at the feeble excuse of a performance fae us.



It was like holding doon the spacebar while looking at a map oan Google earth. Something quite queasy and sick aboot it.



Those Who Stare At Goats.



Ian Brines turned in a performance that got me thinking that he isn't biased and isn't worth thinking up ways to torture his wife, weans and pets but he is jist an incompetent buffoon wie all the tact and blinkered intelligence of a Gorilla on heat.



He was terrible again and his assistants take oan what is and what is not offside was obliviously influenced by the Book According To John Gilmour.



It Can't Be Paranoia highlights one of his many cracking decisions here.


Brines also failed to follow the letter of the law by not booking Big Cunty Baws after he left the park to celebrate his equaliser something that Celtic players, Rasputin and Fannyras, have been booked for recently.
Big Cunty Baws also removed his jersey. I'm sure there is a paragraph in the rules aboot that as well.



There is also the incident when Big Cunty Baws booted the ba' away in the last minute, which Brines who had booked the Glasgow Born Irishman fir the same offence decided to ignore.



Thir also seems to be an opinion of those who take drugs that We Used To Be Famous FC should have goat a penalty when Tubby and Big Cunty Baws collided in the box. Brines goat that wan right.



But...this man should really be getting his pea fae his whistle shoved right up his Erchie by Hugh Dallas.



Sleeping Wie The Enemy



Deserved mair than what they goat. Play fir set plays close enough to yer goal and allow Mulgrew to Hail Mary into the box. In Darren Mackie they have a player who is like a blind ferret chasing the scent of a dead budgie. He shouldnae annoy but has a tendency to knock over yer guid china.



The rest are made from the fabric of sweat and effort but are not guid enough to wear outside yer work.



Another team who some how found The Performance Of Thir Season against us. Then stumble into an embarrassing defeat.Heh.


The Bhoys A Bit Special.



Tubby at a high 8. Kept us in the gemme, didnae deserve to be oan the losing side and, I will regret saying this, maybe should start commanding his 6 yard box a bit mair at set plays. Yes, come fir every single ba'.



Tadger Of The Match.



Edson Barrowfield. In a season littered wie bombscare performances I feel his tops the lot. Well, Loovens and Big Micks first 20 mins in Vienna takes some topping but oor Edson decided to try and better it.



Worryingly I have been informed that he is prone to this type of gemme and wan such howler in a match fir Munich lead to him finding his way tae the East End in the first place.



At least we never hud the spectre of Danny Fox laughing at us fae MOTD this week.



The Others



The Cad: -5



Like those British Skiers that finished 55th and 74th in the cross country, it don't impress me much.



Clubfoot: -4



Phone Max Clifford. He seems decent at making money out oaf a bad situation. Don't strip oaf fir the NOTW though.



Myth: -5



Maybe you should contact Piers Morgan and ask him to do a searching interview it may provide some much needed public sympathy.



Aiden: 4



A booking, a goal and a right guid moan.



Captain Broonie: 3



Hope springs eternal at the fountain of youth. Think you have missed that boat.



Landry: 2



I'm sure the IPhone has an APP to re-find yer form.



Davie: 2



Unfortunately yer guilty by association.



Kamara: 3



Seemed slightly off colour like an ill fitting condom oan a eunuch.



Keano: 3



I think this chapter oaf yer career my be titled: 'Arry's Revenge'.



Fannyras: -2



Like Lady Ga Ga's cock yer jist something that shouldnae really be discussed.



Rasputin: 1



As useful as a tatchell satchel. Has a purpose but someday's it's jist useless.



The Manager: 0



The fact that thir is not a trace oaf a game plan fir the defence means that the clamour fir you to be belle of the dole is reaching fire up the BBQ level.



Yer looking increasingly like yer suffering fae Susan Boyle In An Airport Syndrome. I think thir is a place in Switzerland that could cure that.