Gordon’s Golden Notebook- Fc Kanus of Midlothian

LOTW’s “man in the know” this week decided to give Celtic Park a wide berth. His quest for the underpants had become too dangerous as the price on Kenny Millers white Marks and Sparks numbers had become a bounty too high after his recent goal burst.

Would be easier to get Ronaldos pants he mused while waiting on a flight to France for a well-earned break. At that moment a well-known face sat next to him. The guy looked forlorn and as vacant as Gordon Smith seems to be. Our man asked him what was up and the guy gave this tale of woe.

He said “ I was the Bratislava cowpie eating champion for 2 years but it’s been downhill since then. I came here with the promise of riches and meat filled steak bakes but I leave with an empty stomach as the new French arrival gets to the canteen before me and eats the lot”

He continued “ I could put up with that, as I had support from the best fans in the world who sung my name week in week out but now the gaffer has sent me to France were the pies are not the best”

With that he gave me the golden notebook and said, “Here you go, my parting gift to the wonderful Celtic support, let them be enlightened by the knowledge this will bring”

With our Gordon going on a charm offensive with the media this week with an interview with Radio Snide, where he was perfectly charming, affable and likeable, but I have my doubts whether GS wanted to do it, I’m sure the SSM twisted his arm.

Unfortunately Celtic need the media as much as the media need us but they will still do things that make the club produce these types of statements. I think we should only pay lip service to those that pay us unhandsomely for the privilege as due to the false reporting you get follow up stories like the ones so brilliantly dissected on Keep the Faith.

So for the time being Gordon will still be trackside but with another trip to the FA beckoning he better get the main stand posh seats fitted with monitors and wireless connections as it looks like he may just need it.

Gordon likes getting involved with FC Kanus of Midlotian. He has had a few barneys with their coaching staff, who like their fans, their players and chairman are despicable and easy to dislike. The news that they are to borrow £51M pounds to build a new stand means I’m looking forward to visiting the Tynecastle flats for a viewing in the near future.

He may well get involved again on Saturday as Hearts are a team, which I quite expect to use strong arm tactics to impose themselves on the game. Since Walter has based his Ipox revolution on the Hearts, cheaply imported eastern European template, i.e. big, suited and booted to put skillful fitba’ players into the directors box.

They have had a bad start to the season. Internal strife, lack of communication and confusion over, which loan signing the bemused Steven Frail should play has caused their performances to be ones akin to FC Kanus and for us to have a great big laugh at them.

So will Gordon change his team to set up to these strong-arm tactics as Hearts usually give us a game? I can’t see it. Hartley could return in the midfield for extra boot, as we know Hearts will flood the middle and will let Kingston support the loan front man.

Other than that, I can only see Gordon going with the team that ended so superbly against the Dons. Lack of fullbacks mean Lee Naylor will meander along at left back as he has no competition to replace him and our lack of balance when we have the ball and what we do when we lose the ball will mean that Hearts will get chances.

If we get swamped in the middle you will find that Donati goes to the tip of the diamond and Scott Brown drops deeper. When did paying over £4million quid for the best attacking, box to box midfielder ever stop our manager from playing him in an alien role?

What do I know right enough, I’ve never played the game and drink Kestral.

Still I have been impressed with us in the last three games. I have enjoyed the last three games. Imperfections are part of the game; I mean if we were perfect what would we moan about?

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A Message From Homer To The Lost Bhoys?

The news that 3 new quotations from the satire laden comedy, which is The Simpson have been entered in Oxford University latest volume of modern quotations one jumped out at me, one, which is very apt for some high earners at Celtic Park.

"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try"

Look at the team and the result from yesterdays reserve game , some i feel have took Homers words of wisdom to heart.

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Kenny Miller Son Of God?

With Kenny Millers, phoenix from the ashes like resurrection in the eyes of some supporters, the Scottish media and even by the player himself then you would get the feeling that we have saved the few million quid that we were going to shell out on a “blue-chip” striker signing.

So how come I don’t think so? The player himself says

"At the moment, the club have six strikers and that's maybe one or two too many.I want to know I'm part of the plans, one of the four first-choice strikers the manager will maybe rotate. Beyond that, I want to get a starting position.

If Celtic are going to sign another forward, as is rumored, then that means seven forwards for what the player sees as four positions. Now, maths is not my strong point, which means three for the exit door.

So Magic has shot his bolt and will take his sulky coupon to somewhere in Europe, Hesselink, no matter how bad he plays, is a stick on starter, Skippy McDonald has just been signed and so has Chris Killen. So that leaves Kenny.

Selling Kenny would probably cause a mass outbreak of “to the car park” style comments from Celtic cyberspace. Thing is no matter how much Kenny is on fire just now he was also on fire last season after his first goal. He went on a wee run of great games and scoring goals.

The fact of the matter is he is a player, which appeals as he is a tryer- a trait us Scottish fans love- and I’m sure he is a great professional to work with- an attribute, which means managers will be willing to spend dosh on him, no matter his failings- but his failings are as honest as the day is long. Poor touch, prone to panic in front of goal and struggles to hold his water at times.

I’m sure deep down we all would wish him to carry on this form and for him to score 20 goals this season. Deep down we know that is not going to happen but if it does happen then we will benefit, but do we really think Kenny has 20 goals in his locker?

The realist I me sees an average striker, who I want to do well, but one that I think we be replaced by a better and more consistent option one way or another.

I will enjoy his goalden spell at the moment though.

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Was Yesterday Gordon’s, O’Neill Moment?

There is a moment when you just know something is right and instincts takeover. The moment when Martin O’Neill took Neil Lennon to the Broomloan after another 90mins of abuse for the Ulsterman was a moment such as that.

That moment is credited as being the start of the clampdown on sectarian behavior at football in Scotland. The moment UEFA got interested in the followers of Kinning Park. When MON mentioned the words sectarian and racist in that press conference in Barcelona, the end was nigh for the establishments’ head in the sand behavior.

Martin’s actions were meet with universal backing by the Celtic support; we knew he was in the right. Yesterday, Gordon’s altercation with an Aberdeen steward and an auld bloke has also seemed to have been meet with the same universal acclaim.

After years of abuse that has been dished out to us, the fans, the players and management at away venues up and down the country, Gordon has highlighted this fact to the media. Last week at Westfield, then an interview in a down market Sunday and yesterday at Aberdeen he highlighted the fact that others get away with blue murder.

While the Celtic support are proxy to heavy handed policing, camera’s trained on them for evidence gathering at every turn and a press and SFA agenda that means we are guilty without trial the others, the minnows or the no-marks if you like, get away with the abuse and the pretence that they are not sectarian.

So what happens now? That depends on the SFA but one thing is for sure I think Gordon has maybe turned the corner with the Celtic support.

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Aberdeen 1 Celtic 3- Part 2

Ian Crocker, the man with the microphone for Setanta, for half an hour today took great pleasure in informing us that Celtic would be 5 points behind r*ngers of Wimbledon the next time we would be subjected to his dulcet tones if the score stayed 1-0 to the Don’s.

His pleasure was short lived due to another second half comeback for the second week in a row. While its magic to come from behind to win, the fact that we start of slowly and teams target our weak areas with ease must be worrying.

Again today we lost a goal by losing possession easily and Lee Naylor, who is rapidly becoming the new Chris Morris i.e. great first season, pants the next, got caught in no mans land and allowed a simple ball to get crossed in the for the evergreen Craig Brewster to tap in easily.

While the tactic of playing Brewster didn’t really work for the Dons, Gary Caldwell won the majority of high balls that were there to be contested, the fact that we were caught out in wide areas, an area that Wimbledon of Govan exploit, must be addressed soon.

The value of competition is there for all to see in the midfield and attacking areas. The match winners,Massimo Donati and Kenny Miller both need to be on top of their game, with Massimo coming onto a storming game after being moved to the tip of the midfield diamond and noticing Paul Hartley grooming his beard in readiness to replace the newly skin headed Italian.

Donati's goal, great work for once from Aiden, a body shimmy from the Italian in the box, foxing the Don’s defence and then a right-footed curler into the bottom corner. The Italian is fast becoming a cult figure with the Hoops support. Like the Italians before him he is likeable, passionate has ability- maybe I’m pushing it that all our Italians have had ability, one was Ricco Annoni- but has glaring faults.

Getting caught in possession is one of these faults, playing the occasional stray pass to an advertising board is another and his defending at the base of the diamond is not the best. But he now has a song and unlike some of Strachan’s big named midfield signings he looks like he will do a job for us consistently.

Kenny Miller came on for Skippy, who was frustrated by his own performance and continued where he left of from Westfield.

People say Kenny can’t finish. I’m one of them but I’m going to change that statement. Kenny can’t finish if he has time to think about what he is going to do with the ball. His first goal today, like last week, was a ball played to him inside the box with defenders closing down and he stroked it without thinking.

His second today, when he picked up the ball and drove at the last Don’s defender he knew what he wanted to do. Just like at Inverness last season in the Scottish cup he bent the ball into the bottom corner. You could even go as far to say it was natural. It’s a pity his first touch isn’t as natural but Kenny is confident at the moment, I mean, 3 games in and he is already only one goal short of his total for the whole of last season.

Today, even at 1-0 I felt we would pull it back. Decent balls for the big man to hold up and link on replaced the long aimless balls to JVOH; there was a sense of purpose and calmness about the team. Since Gordon was fuming,Tommy Burns took over the interview duties and i find it hard not to disagree with what he says.

That’s three games in a row I have been impressed with us in spells during the games. We seem to have the knack of producing the head scratching and sublime in the same 90mins.

I would hate to be the team that meets the sublime for a full game.

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Aberdeen 1 Celtic 3

In the early 80’s it was fortress Pittodrie, when auld red eyes was in charge. The nineties came and gone, after Aberdeen sacked Alec Smith, Pittodrie held no fear for traveling hoops as regular humpings were dished out to a succession of hapless Aberdeen managers.

Nowadays the Aberdeen support; that still has delusions of grander, the appointment of Tango and Sash was one, which was welcomed as a step back to the glory days. Last seasons 3rd place finish above Hearts of Lithuania countered with their terrible start this year has made them jumpy to say the least.

After they produced a decent first half against a not at the races Celtic side, the game returned to type after half time. Aberdeen, grimly defending against a free flowing Hoops, were being pinned back and ripped open by creativity that was missing from Celtic in the first half.

So when Miller scored the goal to put us 2-1 up, a goal when I thought this ploy of trying to walk it in to the back of the net was making me go gray, it came as no surprise that just after it, Gordon was involved in an altercation with a jobs worth steward.

So what was Gordon’s crime? Taking abuse for 70 odd minutes, and then deciding to celebrate a goal, which was going to win us 3 points or did he commit the hideous crime of stealing the auld boy’s sweeties who was sitting right behind his dugout?

Here is the footage of Gordon's crime.

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Gordon Strachans Golden Notebook: Aberdeen

LOTW's man "in the know" was struggling this week after bribing his way out of Russia gaining access to the inner sanctum of CP in his unnatural quest to obtain Kenny Miller's underpants was proving difficult.

Now, Mrs man "in the know" was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, when she met Mr man "in the know" and also when she met an exurbanite blond hair chappie, who was with a tall grumpy looking Eastern European and a baldy Dane.

When Mrs man "in the know" asked why the blond hair chappie was full of the joys and the other two were looking like they were being faced wie a trip to Coventry or worse Birmingham. The blond haired chappie produced the fabled golden notebook and his joy made sense..he was no longer facing a trip to the far football outposts of nowhere-ville he was going to the far reaching outpost of the "deen".

Will he play is up to oor Gordon. The chances are we wil be cooling his boots on the bench, again, where he could be joined by the other gallus young un Aiden McGeady. After the performance of Zico Hartley in midweek and the fact this is another tough away game, young Aiden may be deemed a luxury too many wie Nakamura a certain starter.

Oor defence now picks itself due to lack of full back options and the must for the pairing of Mick and JFK to grow and develop. The full backs being ropey and the lack of cover we we get from wide areas means that we are letting teams fire in crosses to easily. This steams right back to the Newcastle pre-season game and one, which the two competitive goals we have lost this season have been from cross balls.

Even though Aberdeen have had a poor start to the season, their game against Hearts last week would have got fitbaw hauled before the high court for cruelty to the paying public, going to Aberdeen has been a difficult fixture since Tango and Sash have taken over. We huvnae lost many games but oor classic performances have been few and far between.

After the grueling trip we have had during the week, the fact that we spent a lot of the game chasing and harrying, the plastic pitch and the normal dip after European nights means that i feel we will need to be quite happy wie a decent result rather than a performance.

So to compensate for that here is a classic beating of the sheep, and watching this and a certain goal still makes the hairs on the back of ma neck stand up.

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Coke Zero R*ngers Zero

There is an advert on Talksport at the moment for the tasteless drink Coke Zero. The advert is for a competition that they are running to win 2 tickets for SPL games and it runs like someone reading the final scores.

So it's like "Coke Zero Kilmarnock 2...Coke Zero Celtic 2 etc"

Falkirk, Hearts and St Mirren also get a mention but their is one glaring omission, which in advertising terms is akin to a school boy error when appealing to an broad and diverse audience.

Or did they mean to miss out the second biggest institution in Scotland as they don't want the product associated wie them?

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Bhoys of Belgium

John Park's role as Football Development Manager, is a role, which is undefined and could be far reaching in the remits and decisions he has to make. I think he had a lot to do wie the Hoops signing Chris Killen, as the now legendary story of him dragging Tony Mowbrey to watch an Oldham reserve game in, which Chris was a sub and only got two minutes game time, shows just how much he rates the big Kiwi.

News that we have reached an agreement wie KV Oostende, to send 3 reserve and youth team players to the Belgian second division for guaranteed 1st team football is, while a first for a Scottish club, is not unusual as Arsenal and Man Utd have you used Belgium as an outpost to develop talent or, in Arsenals case, to park players wie work permit problems.

I find the last bit interesting as the story aboot 3 Trinidad and Tobago internationalist being on trial wie us and if follow up oor interest in any of them the chances of us getting a work permit are as slim as getting a sober caller on a radio phone in.

Now, recently the sharp suited man has bemoaned the tight work permit laws for non EU nationals in the UK. The PSV model, which Celtic are so in awe of, is successful because it is easier for the Dutch club to get non EU nationals work permits, the deal is they have to be given a set wage for a set period to qualify for a permit, means that the conveyor belt of South Americans that PSV "produce" seems to be never ending.

After FIFA cleared Arsenal of any wrong doing when they parked Toure and Eboue in Begium then will we see the Hoops sending players from far flung corners of the globe to Belgium to get round the work permit issues?

Also does this mean i will need to look for the Belgian second division results every week?

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Lazio In Trouble, Again

The news that there was trouble once again, in Rome during a European tie shouldnae come as a surprise to European and Italian fitbaw watchers as Rome seems to be getting a reputation as a no go area for travelling fans.

The actual story of the incidents involving Lazio, however is more interesting and one that relates, no matter how much we protest, to the current situation we find ourselves in.

Last week Celtic cyberspace met to discuss how we would handle supporters singing what is now deemed unacceptable songs and the outcome was any sign of these songs starting should be met with a chorus of "Hail Hail".

It seems that the decent Lazio fans tried to drown out the right wing element who continued to chant racist abuse even though their own coach told them that it could land them in serious trouble.

Last week at Westfield the Celtic support never got themselves into that situation there was no hint of "unacceptable" songs and the support were quite rightly praised for their conduct. We hope this continues but i think we all know that human nature will deem one day we might need to use the "Hail Hail" tactic.

The question for me is why would fans go out their way to deliberately hurt the club the profess to love? Is it because the Lazio fans feel that the politics that are linked wie the club are more important to be upheld than gaining money and exposure in the Champions League.

Or is it that the Lazio fan's see themselves as superior to others and will continue to do what they want to peddle a racist, sectarian and bigoted agenda? That sounds depressingly familiar doesn't it?

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Quinn On Celtic's Chances

I was lucky enough, in some peoples eyes, that i missed our esteemed chairman's rambling monologue before the unfurling of the league flag. I read the quote about "money in the bank" but i know i didnae miss much as Celtic cyberspace hasn't produced a podcast for ma perusal.

Now, like all guid chairmen, Brian Quinn has poked his head over the parapet like a winger who has crossed the ball for the striker to score the winning goal. His quote that we are more than halfway to the promised land must be music to the Muscovite's ears.

After our players after match quotes were restrained and respectful the chairmen has given the Spartak players a quote for the players to take onto the park with them.

Another case, to add to the long list of gaffs, which prove Mr Quinn would be better off counting money in a darkened room rather than being let out to meet the press.

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Moaning In Moscow

Nice to see the Russian Media still believe that Referee's should still be up for the odd bribe in a brown paper bag, picked up by sitting on a park bench while waiting on a guy called "red fox" and the company of nice Russian ladies of the night in their hotel rooms, before they go oot and award numerous penalties and dodgy free-kicks to favour the home team.

The reaction of the biggest selling sports pages reeks of over-confidence in their Spartak heroes and the inability to accept, that, maybe on the night Spartak weren't good enough to get a result.

Funny that there is no mention of the fact that the Spartak players went doon as easy as a Poundstretchers tent in a gail and that the Russians have a fondness for watering artificial surfaces in the hope of watching it grow.

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Spartak 1 Celtic 1

Was watching the pre-match build up, setanta kept on showing a camera angle from the back end of beyond in the stadium. This camera angle was showing water being poured onto the park, it looked like the famous scene when the English fans were water cannoned in a Belgian square during Euro 2000.

I asked maeself why this was happening and within 15 mins in was obvious why. A strange bounce took a simple clearance oot the way of Lee Naylor and went oot for a corner and John Kennedy was caught oot wie a ball spinning and bouncing unnaturally. The game was set and watched in an unreal setting wie the artificial park making the game look like a pre-season game.

To tell you the truth the game was a bit of a farce wie the park alluding too not a decent full blooded tackle being committed by both set of players. That may have worked for us but all the same oor manager was a bit dubious wie regards to the Russians actions. Both teams looked unsure on the surface but you could tell the Russians were used to playing on the carpet.

But, the game was scrappy and apart from a goal chopped off for the Muscovite's in 10mins there was not much fitbaw being played. But then the best beard grower in Scotland suddenly became that player we had paid over a million for.

Paul Hartley became the Paul Hartley of Hearts wie a lung bursting run in front of the full back to get on the end of a- motm for me- Scott McDonald cross. His heider bulged the net and i can call him oor Zico again.

After that we controlled we looked comfortable, we kept the ball for mair then 2 seconds, a feat that makes oor managers claim that Spartak were better than Benfica after the match a bit hard to believe, but, again, Celtic made us have a watch behind the couch second half.

The equaliser and their superior match fitness was always going to make the second half one way traffic and oor instance that we sat as deep as a great white of Cornwall didnae help matters. Still we limited them to 2 chances, one a poor heider and the other a great save, that made up for the goal that he lost, by Brown, was their lot.

Then we had we lived the dream moment. Aiden on for the injured Hesselink, sprung onto a Hartley through ball, now when he slipped the ball through to Brown, i was off ma seat, the ball was going in, i was convinced, but, the park played it's part, the ball spun and stopped, it didnae run on as Brown expected and the goalie smothered.

Skoosh says he felt he was offside and didnae want to pick up another booking by kicking the ball away, i'm willing to blame the pitch.

Will we live to regret that moment? This tie is not over by any means. Spartak are capable of scoring at CP just as we are capable of scoring. Make no mistake we are not in that hat for the pirates bullion chest of 10m filthy lucre yet..but i feel better aboot ma team tonight.

That's all a fan can ask along wie some highlights by oor japanese friends.

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Gordon Strachans Golden Notebook- Moscow

A ruble can go along way as the above proves. Oor man "in the know" toddled of to Moscow and got in tow wie a guy called Oleg, who had one leg. Oleg works as a bar man at a plush Moscow hotel that last night was frequented by a bunch of pasty faced Scots.

After the team meeting in the bar, a wee blond fella and a baldly Dane were in the hotel lobby and the wee blond one was heard to say "Gary told me aboot this club wie great jack the rippers" before they disappeared into the night.

Left behind in the bar was the mysterious golden note book and a pair of levis secured this exclusive for LOTW.

Now, while we can't argue wie the formation, it may slightly alter to a 4-1-4-1, the personnel who will make up the team is up for some debate. It's a massive game, a game wie 10m reasons for the manager to get the formation right and also his team selection.

Does Paul Hartley get the nod over the more defensively sound Evander Sno or Gary Caldwell, both whom haven't had any game time this season, to provide the cover and who does he replace from Saturdays starting line up.

Kenny Miller would usually be a stick on but after his performance on Saturday the out of sorts looking Hesselink could be warming the bench as Kenny takes up a lone swordsman role or could Gordon fox us all and stick two up front wie McGeady dropping oot.

Wie oor Arfur being ruled oot, rumours that he pulled oot after a phone call from the Nou Camp are unconfirmed, Mark Brown makes his Champions League debut and one i'm sure he will handle. Arfur is a big miss, not just ability wise, see last years Champions League run, but personality wise and it's up to others to come to the fore tomorrow evening.

We, unlike some, huvnae had the luck of the draw and it will take a performance up there wie the Amsterdam Arena and Anfield for us to progress. One, which doubts remain we can scale.

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A Big Pizza Pie....

With the countdoon to oor date wie Spartak Moscow for the 10m bounty, which could decide oor transfer budget from now, to the end of the window and January, or decide if any offers sitting on the table gathering dust for oor star men suddenly become interesting you can always count on a scoop from the red tops.

The Daily R*nger has tracked doon Dmitri Popov and in a bond villain style described in the offending article as a Russian Super Spy .

Now oor Dmitri gave the soundbite that oor 3m Italian stallion Massimo Donati was a bit overweight and slow. Slow, well he did get oot run by a 39 year old forty a day man with such ease on Saturday and lung bursting speed disnny seem to be in the locker.

Passing ability to die for, a vision and a comfort on the ball that seems to ooze from Italians. He also has what i call the "Di Canio" look of an unexploded bomb that is just waiting to go off. When he was taken off on Saturday his face on the bench was like a 3 year old who has dropped his ice cream cone and you could tell that he was going over his missed sitters in his mind.

I can take the overweight jibe, mair worrying for me was this quote

"One thing about Donati is he is very tactically aware and always in his
correct position on the field but I doubt he will have a major role for Celtic at this moment. I preferred Scott Brown."

This hits the nail on the head. Donati is being told to sit deeper and cover the back 4 when he needs to. This is against his natural instinct as his defending is akin to Donald Findlay trying to get a guilty as sin murderer off the hook.

I only hope Tom O'Neill was as perceptive on his scouting mission.

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Don't Believe The Truth

"You talk about that question (of pressure) but that shouldn't be asked now because I think I've proved that. What you should ask is who is posing the question? Not an intelligent person, that's for sure.

"It's someone who's sitting with his tracksuit on, his devil dug at his side and a can of Kestrel in his hand, maybe coked up to his eyeballs, shouting down the phone.

"I'm not answering to that. I'm not answering a question from Mr Ned."

Oor Gordon, describes the scene at the Radio Clyde and Real Radio studios, 6pm weeknights, wonder what these leeches will find to talk aboot tonight as there is no Celtic corpse to feast on?

Is Hugh Keevins no Mr Ned?

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Falkirk v Celtic Post Match Reaction

Now, while LOTW is run from a hut in ma back garden, this exclusive shows that oor bribing of "those in the know" wie lager and threats of blackmail work.

Oor "man" forgot aboot his quest to sniff oot Kenny Millers underpants, not for me you understand i want Gary Caldwells, and found the above lying on a table at Westfield yesterday. Yes, he found oor Gordon's golden note book. The greatest mystery of the GS reign, of what he writes doon during a game, has now been uncovered in spectacular style.

Very strange list I thought Gordon would have Sky plus at least.

After putting us in the dock oor board have decided that they want to praise us now. As i said next week, after buses filled wie Buckie, lager, md 20/20 and any other mind bending substances park up in the "Deen" we may only have the morale high ground for a week.

But i fully expect us still to have the morale high ground for months to come as we as a support will not put the club we love in danger no matter how often oor ai board put us in the firing line.

The the goals , created by some bloke who calls himself Scottie Vision so cheers to him, are posted for oor enjoyment i mean we willnae get tired of watch us gubbing the Bairns as really we have been due them one, however harsh the final result was.

And from the bbc has oor Gordons quotes and an interview wie the bewildered Mick McManus.

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Falkirk 1 Celtic 4

First things first, lets forget aboot a dreadful first half, the four goals and even though he scored another shadow like performance from Hesselink, but the first test for oor support was passed wie flying colours.

Maybe it's was a get it right up ye gesture to oor neighbours and the Scottish media. They wanted us to fail but were met wie such ditties as Wullie Maley withoot add ons, Hail Hail, This Land is your land, The Fields and the dusted doon taken oot the attic all time classic Celtic that's the team for me.

1-0 to the guid guys but further tests next week after a 3 hour booze fuelled trip to Aberdeen.

On the field well in the 1st half we were poor, so poor in fact that i'm worried aboot the fact that we lacked balance, lacked the hustle, lacked bite and were oot played for spells by a 39yo and buffered around by a lump from Crewe.

It disnny matter how well we played in the second, that is also debatable as it could be put doon to Falkirk's midfield tiring, oor poor first half against a side that is not half as guid as Moscow is a cause for concern.

We lacked presence in defence and were oot muscled in the middle. The need for a cover, for Donatti, who had a decent game forced oor scrappy equaliser, and Broon who had an outstanding game, is there for all to see as we look fragile. Who gets left oot and who is that cover remains to be seen.

Half time came and went, wie Jim Jeffries, Rob McLean and Big Feck giving us their "expert views" at half time in what looked like the workies hut for the new stand that's being built, which was basically Falkirk are great Celtic are shite and r*ngers will win the league by November and as the game kicked off for the second half it wisnny difficult to argue wie them.

Then unsure what happened. We started creating chances, we were finding oor final baw but still had the annoying habit of crossing the ball early to naebody in the box or to the first Falkirk defender. Kenny Miller was terrorising the Falkirk back line and was showing his strike partner what a bit of sweat and toil could do.

One move, involving Miller, a sweeping passage of play, that went from deep inside oor half, through the middle then a perfect ball to a marauding fullback, a great baw into the middle, quick thinking from Miller to dummy the cross into the on rushing Donati's path whose shot ended up in Polmont, which was a shame as if it had went in it was the type of goal we hope to score and the type of goal that has musical scores written aboot it.

It involved pace, invention and quick thinking, something that has been missing. We got oor noses in front after a 10 min spell when we were steamrolling the Falkirk team. They were slipping deeper and their on loan impressive goalie was keeping them in the game.

Then a baw whipped in, McGeady tried the spectacular overheid kick, which hit the post and rebounded to Miller who fired a low shot by Krul. 2-1. After a dubious sending off came a trademark Naka freekick, which Naka celebrated by blowing a kiss to the support and pumping his fist on his badge. The fourth a simple tap in for Hesselink after a through baw from Miller.

The Westfield emptied, the Celtic support sang "Discoland" and GS was told to stop over celebrating. As he said in his interview afterwards it's ok for guys to shout, scream and abuse him in front of weans but then take offence at him jumping up and doon like a demented leprechaun on smarties.

Keep on winning Gordon and that will shut them up.

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Thom Header v. Falkirk

Since cyberspace ate ma Falkirk preview, some classic Hoops v The Bairns

Mon The Hoops

My Name Is Joe, Again

Now, signing players for the sake of signing players is sheer folly. It's something teams in dire straits do and something that hopefully will come back and bite the r*ngers on the arse.

In GS 1st season we signed players for the sake of signing players, due to lack of numbers, and ended up wie Camara, Virgo and Du Wei. This action, for me, is the action of a manager who is desperate and is willing to take numbers over quality, which sometimes situations dictate.

News today that, oor scoring cup winning full back was back on the managers radar has come as a surprise and has caused a collective scratching of heids from the naysayers.

After the cup final i posted that Doumbe was not good enough. He lacked defensive nonce, his positional sense was suspect and while he did a no bad job he was not the quality we were looking for.

When you are in oor position, winning leagues, cups and progressing in Europe any signing should improve the squad. Doumbe disnny tick any of those boxes and to tell you the truth if we canny do any better then i would rather Paul Caddis and Gary Irvine got their chance to deputise.

The most annoying thing is that we have had the whole summer to plug this problem position. We are meant to have scouts all over the world, thousands of players on file, we would leave no stone unturned in the quest to find an unearthed gem and have had all summer to find a player to improve this position.

So why is it we have returned to a player who wisnny worth offering a contract to after his first spell and a player that couldnae get a contract wie the mighty Sheff Utd. Begs the question have we pished in the pot and left this position to chance and the bargin basement?

One thing r*ngers have done, apart from spend loads of dosh, matching us and building a team that will trouble us, they have bought players to plug problem areas. The Naismith debacle is the perfect example. They had the dosh but Wallie thought the right hand side was a priority area.

What would GS have done in the same situation? Faced wie the choice of a creative player or a full back who would have improved us, i think i can safely say oor budget would be blown on the player we didnae need.

One thing's for sure the Caldwell household will be sleeping more easily this evening safe in the knowledge that a full back slot is still up for grabs.

Forza

celtic v hearts

Watch these highlights and ask yourself does this look like a 9m goalie?

I fear Keano has been on the bevvy wie Bryan Robson, Lee Sharpe and Norman Whiteside.

Makams beware.

Celtic, Put Celtic In The Dock.

I shouldnae really do it but for ma sins i listened to part of the radio phone in's to night.

I knew it was wrong as Celtic today issued this statement meant for the travelling hordes that will fill Westfield this Saturday, allowing the meeja outlets to report it like this

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/c/celtic/6936961.stm

Now, while i don't mind this statement, we have the Celtic Social Mission Statement, we needed to be seen to do something in the wake of Inverness; when i read it i was a bit annoyed by the wording, or the use of one word. The word sectarian.

That word allows us to be linked by the media to a team that the only link we have with is that we share the same city. We have no cultural or heritage links in fact the history and founding of both clubs couldnae be mair chalk and cheese.

The use of the sectarian word means that Celtic have put oor fans on trial for sectarian signing when sectarian singing is not a problem within oor support. Political, i have no problems with, the add on's and certain songs have too stop or they will damage the club but we are anything but sectarian.

Tonight the airwaves were polluted by views that Celtic brought on themselves by including the line that we are a non sectarian club.Including this line makes it look like we are sectarian.

Why did they feel the need to say this? Outside influences or just a toeing of the party line thus diluting, further, their own image of the club they are try to make a global brand.

We know we are a non sectarian club, we have been for 119 years.

Today has been the perfect example that we are guilty, withoot trial, withoot evidence but by association only.

Time to disassociate oorselves from this Old Firm tag once and for all.

Forza

Will Riordan Get A Second Chance This Week

It's a question that has been debated up and doon the land, like the Mid Lothian question, except involving a wee guy from Lothian and not an outdated 300 year old agreement. Now could the reason for oor Deeks absence from the opening weekend is explained..

http://sport.scotsman.com/football.cfm?id=1234792007

Or is it?

Could oor manager have just been looking oot for the young gifted talents mindset by giving him time off as the threat of a wee spell in the "big hoose" hung over- bad choice of words maybe?- him like a driving ban over Lee Hughes.

Now since that threat to join the gallant band of Ferguson, Adams, Pennet and the aforementioned Hughes has been lifted from his skinny frame will we see his skinny frame at Falkirk on Saturday manfully struggling against the elements that the wide open spaces of Westfield are a magnet to?

Or is there a Mid Lothian question? One which involves Mid Lothian pubs and clubs, which oor Deek is allegedly adept to frequenting much to oor teetotal managers dispair?

I know nothing of this except the rumours i have read on the net but if true and oor managers reported reaction to them, then i wonder if oor manager has booted Gary Caldwell in the baws for extra curricular activities and a hungover appearance on Soccer AM?

So has Deek burned his bridges due to the above or is there something else? Like maybe the hoops fans just bought into the meeja lauding of Deek as the next big thing that they fed us for two seasons.

A failed bid from R*ngers, who have since come up wie a hundred thousand reason why they didnae sign him, then us buying him for a so called steal we maybe thought that we had bought the finished article when really we might have just purchased a player of limited ability that if he had came through oor youth set up might have been classed the same as a Mark Burchill or Jamie Smith.

There is a folly and risk by signing players that impress in the SPL. Players can shine for lesser clubs but when the step up is made then their big player in a small club ability shines through and they are unable to handle the next step physically or mentally.

Some will be the exception of that rule, most will fall into it, but maybe it's time for the manager to give Deek his chance to see what camp he falls into.

Forza

We Did Raise The Flag Yesterday

Now, no matter how bad we were yesterday a small matter, of raising the league flag was completed before the game. After the usual, the now yearly, speech by oor chairman who babbled on aboot money in the bank, eh i must admit i missed most of his speech, why chairmen need to jump on the teams success is beyond me, i mean did he score in the 93rd minute against Killie to win the league?, no but it wisnny the pub that made me late it was an accident on the M74.

The pomp of the official flag raising was bettered for me by the flag show by the Jungle Bhoys who have a few new flags for the new season particularly the, impressive, Henrick Larsson one.

At least there was something decent aboot yesterday.

BBC have managed to find some highlights of the fare served as well

http://news.bbc.co.uk/player/sol/newsid_6930000/newsid_6932500/6932555.stm?bw=bb&mp=wm&news=1

Forza

Same Sh*te....Different Season.....Useless 0 Killie 0

Must admit, i find it hard to write this match review. You see i've always hated maself for not trusting the manager, esp when i was quite happy he was appointed...but there was just something....cheap option..i just don't know what.

Today, i found maeself, 52 mins in, wishing Kenny Miller would come on, now we are bad when that happens. Today, i thought i was back in the old jungle watching Mark McNally punting baws to Brian O'Neill or Wayne Biggins. Bottomline is both those players would have been better than Vennegor of Hesslelink today.

The guy is no John Hartson, today in the first half, a baw across the top allowed the big fellow a chance to get between the defender and the goal, instead he was shoved off the baw, big Hartson would have fired the bloke on his arse and scored. Mate, yer six feet odds and over 12 stone, i think, stop being a lightweight.

Nampy pampy upfront, we could still be playing the now and we would still not look like scoring, nae creativity at all and worst of all, for me, two subs that border on the puzzling, that back up ma fears that oor biggest problem is going to come from within.

Now, after watching them yesterday i wisny worried. Today, i'm bricking it. Clueless, Moscow...we couldnae beat Motherwell, on that showing, never mind a decent side. Nae Riordan, the manger takes off oor best player and leaves the best beard grower in Ecosse on the park and brings on another lumbering oaf for us to hump aimless baws too.

And they wonder why we have doubts? Any harbouring over why we have doubts should have been dispelled in the second half today. We didnae have a clue..oor management didnae have a clue.

I want to come away from a game wie a bit of hope in ma heart. Today i came away no believing that we could be worse than last year, nae hope, nae positives. If we had missed barrowload of chances, then fine, if we played well then fine..nae improvement from last year is what i didnae want to see.

Now i'm going to say this, i want it to come back and bite ma arse but GS won't last the season if that's the fare he is going to serve up. If they or anyone get well in front of us then GS will walk the dosh he has spent and the squad he has got means we shouldne be struggling at home against Killie. The managers shortcomings where their for all to see today. His jacket is on a shaky nail no matter how his record stands up. If we lose the league to this r*ngers team then it is a sacking offence.

Strange thing is that oor bus was great on the way home, the patter, the banter was top as was the jungle bhoys banner display. As the Beatles once said "When we are in times of trouble, mother Mary comfort me, speaking words of wisdom let it be"

It's a long and winding road but i wonder who will speak words of wisdom to oor manager?

Forza

Russian roulette,not the game we wanted

E-mails have been flying back and forth all morning between maself and a few lurkers, who lurk dangerously on this site. All stated that, in the run up today’s draw it really feels like the season was beginning. It felt like the beginning of something happening, to steal the words of Ian Brown.

At quarter to eleven, I got goose bumps, thinking aboot the season ahead, thinking aboot Naka against Man U and oor performance in Milan, the fears I had withered away and I was awash wie hope.

At eleven seventeen, the adage fitbaw fans saying, that bloke from the beeb and Homer Simpson, that it’s the hope that kills you was never so true. When ma phone went and two words “Spartak Moscow” came from the receiver, the hope was replaced wie the feeling you get when a free kick hits you in the family jewels.

There was a few dodgy teams we could have got but don’t think that there is any doubt Spartak, well into their season, top of their domestic league and back by a Russian Oil baron who is not afraid to chuck roubles at them, were the worst team we could have got.

In the aftermath of the draw, the thinking that the UEFA cup will do oor co-efficient guid and produce a feel guid factor, as we would surely have a decent run, was topper most on ma mind.

Spartak will fancy their chances and make no mistake they would have fancied drawing us. Their fitness, sharpness, roubles and their artificial pitch all stake things in their favour.

Add to that, our record, Milan aside, of losing on average three goals every away game in Europe and oor defence fear of pacy centre forwards and teams playing on the counter, then the Russians will be kosacking and drinking vodka that makes you go blind for fun tonight.

The last team we played from the Eastern block was Shakter. Over two legs they well beat us and I don’t expect Spartak to be any worse than them. Mair worryingly the team they faced that night was better than the one we have now.

But....being a hoop there is always hope. Hope that only a fan can have. There must be a reason they haven’t been seeded. Their European record must be dodgy for them to be non-seeded. Like all Russian teams they might not travel well and if we survive the 1st leg CP will be bouncing for the 2nd.

I remember the fantastic night in the Amsterdam Arena, well i say remember that cake made me go funny, when the hoops produced a vintage display to qualify for the CL for the 1st time. Again that team was better than this one but that gives me hope.

The seeding system is set up so the bigger boys get teams they should beat. So if we canny beat Spartak, when stats say we should we dinny deserve to be in the Champions League.

This round always brings a few surprises. This year we have been lined up for the chop.

Forza.

Hopes, Fears and Loathing For The New Season

It's usually at this of the year that hope, fear, panic, realisation, dreams and a big doze of realism, usually delivered by the underwhelming pre-season games, flood our waking thoughts and sometimes our sleeping ones.

A time when the written media, spoken media and the crap media make predictions for the up coming season. These predictions are usually based on their hopes and desires for their favourite team, but they always have one eye on the big move from sports lackey to chief lackey and a wee spot on setanta talking bolloxs.

As Craig Burley, Jock Broon and Mark Hately have proved being biased with a chip on your shoulder doesn't does your profile no harm.

In this sense they are no different from fans. All fans make these predictions as well, usually filling a greedy bookies already bulging pockets with daft bets like Spurs to win the Epl etc, and cyberspace is the perfect foil for the supporters to air whether the team should play a 4-4-2, what the starting 11 should be, how high or low the team should be aiming and, the best one i have read so far what away team will bring the loudest fans.

Again, our pre-season has, rightly or wrongly, had us questioning our signings,our managers tactics, players worth and the worth of taking these pre-season games. The hoops, in the media, have already been bullied by Walters expensively assembled thugs in boots and some of the fans have bought into this view big style.

Me? Here's my hopes, fears and loathing for the season 07/08.

Hopes

Football without fans is nothing....something that could bite the hoops on the bahookie if the poor season book take up is anything to go by. Fans, while seeing winning leagues and trophies as the be all and end all, us, the Celtic fans need to be entertained. This year is, i hope, going to be the cavaliers v the roundheads. The beauty v the beast, not the stodgy v the stodgier.

After the hope produced by GS's team 1 all was lost by the failure of team two to produce entertaining football, something that the players and management have agreed with. Our signings have further reduced the age of the squad and with that a younger squad should bring an energy not seen last season.

Our signings in the summer, while we have doubts over some, the big money lads, have been added to an area that most needed an injection of energy. Brown on the evidence so far is going to be a star. His energy on and off the park, including his handling of the press today regarding Murray's wage claim, means he is going to be adored by the hoops.

The lovers of the fine art of midfield play are going to love the skill, the vision and technique of Donati. Both these players add what we want to see. Add Aiden and Naka to that mix and we surely should entertain?

Fears

I don't buy the we will be bullied tag but i fear it. Certain games last season we looked lightweight and this pre-season in a few dodgy 1st half's. We don't seem to hassle or tackle at times and we seem quite content to file back behind the ball and try to steal. Newcastle scored 4 goals after no-one tackled in wide areas.

Will we be able to stand up, mix it, grind out results and more importantly keep cool and play our game when the leagues hammer throwers are hammering away?

For all that we have added i fear that we might find out our strikers were the problem all along. GS doesn't know his best pairing and at this time he has more options to choose from than this time last season.

Our main undroppable is now struggling to regain his early hoops form and i question the ability of his back up Chris Killen. Magic hasn't been seen since Christmas, Kenny has been misfiring since October and again like Killen Skippy could be of questionable quality. Add to that, our manager doesn't seem to fancy Rioirdon, who is regarded as the best finisher at the club.

The strikers highlight other problem we could encounter. We are top heavy in certain areas and weak in others. The weak areas, haven't yet, been sorted and the areas where we are top heavy the manager has some many options that, never mind knowing his best strike pairing he doesn't know his best 11.

Add all this into a mixer and it could mean we are shaping up to be masters of our own downfall if our manager doesn't get his mindset right or has the ability to solve these problems.

Loathing

Already i know i'm going to hate the new r*ngers team. Walter has based his recruiting round Fc Kanus of Gorgie template towards the tail end of last season. Big, mean, dirty and not a lot of ability but will grind away. Mind you the r*ngers team haven't been worth loathing for a couple of seasons so it's about time that changed.

The setanta panel will again be loathsome due to the presence of Craig Burley and his anti-Celtic chip on his shoulder will sure to ensure a few rants from this blogger.

Oh and the usual suspects of Hearts and Motherwell.

Also..i'm sure some sections of the Celtic support will annoy the living daylights out of me.

Forza