“He’s Greek, He’s Great, and He’ll smash yer dinner plates, Samaras, Samaras”

Fyffes launch the "Banana Vapor Mk 5" as worn by Billy Connelly....."He says Jobbie, you know!"

Juvenile song but funny all the same. This ditty accompanied the explosion on the scene of a 6ft 4in Greek Ghod- in waiting- wie looks to kill, pace to burn and boots to laugh at. When Georgios of the Jungleios was warming up - at the deserted Helms Deep- ma first thought was WHAT THE HELL was on his feet.

Turns oot to be the new “Mercurial Vapor 4” boot, wie the tag line “Fastest tae the Ba’”: “Fastest wie the Ba’”, if the overpaid Nikee executive came from Easterhoose. Suppose they need to as the tag line “Fastest tae the ba’, but they look pure rank man” widnae sell many of the orange ones.

They don’t look like boots and don’t sound like boots. The “Mercurial Vapor 4” sounds like a ship from “The Empire Strikes Back” and should be piloted by Chewbacca and CP3O. Remember the days when the boots had simple names like “Match” and “King” now they sound like extras from Stargate Deep Space Blakes Seven.

You have to be a bit gallus to wear those boots. Or think you were gallus anyway. The days of only the showmen, the entertainers, the STARMEN being the only ones to wear coloured boots- started by Alan Ball and ended wie aplomb by the gold booted Paolo Di Canio- are long gone. A look at the game at Easter Road last week saw such “greats” as Lee McCooluck and Sash Papic were abusing white boots.

When Sammy made a cameo appearance for the tiring Skippy I don’t think even he could have expected the reaction his gazelle like, drift in from the wide area, ghost past the Killie defender then left fitted side foot into the bottom corner would have had on the support. It made Sammy, the biggest thing to hit CP since the last £6m pound loan player we got to Glesga.

Even then, Bellars debut was a damp squib. Seem to remember him missing a few chances- one, a one on one: how THAT failing in his game would come back to haunt us- against the Huns. It was only the one-man white booted Hat-trick at Tannadeechie that convinced us of Bellars worth but before that the picture of him beaming from CP’s front door and the chorus of “Graeme Souness yer a w*nker” echoing round the dark East End.

It was said to me last week that there is nuthin better than signing a striker. It gives you a boost. He was right. No matter the misgivings you have aboot the player you are signing: Centre Forwards are glamorous goal getters and heroes in waiting. I’m sure I can remember getting excited aboot signing Andy Paton and Wayne Biggins.

Ok, defenders are a necessary evil in the game and occasionally yer team will sign one that resembles a defender but THEY never give you the same buzz as signing a Gorgeous Goergios, a Jorge Cadette, a Pierre, a Magic, a Hesslelink, a Sutton, a Hartson or a Tony Cascarino...

Defenders take longer to impress. You don’t remember clean sheets, last ditch tackles and- Ceaser apart- all defenders are built like Shrek and only became defenders due to them not being guid enough or good looking enough to be the cheeky chappies upfront scoring the goals and getting the burds. Also, when you are younger you want to be a striker.

You always look forward to a new strikers first game. The reason? Fir me it’s easier for strikers to make an impact. Most strikers, for what ma hazy mind can remember, either score on their debut or do enough to suggest that they will do a joab. Well, a guy called Henrick apart; I mean he faded from grace after a disastrous debut.

It is due to that we- or me- can remember fondly Andy Walker scoring on his debut at Greenock. I can remember Wayne Biggins skelping the bar on his. Frank Macca scoring on his return to the Hoops via Partick Thistle when snatched him from the jaws of St Mirren.

Who can forget Jorge Cadete first goal against the Sheepies at CP. That Ham’den night when Pierre hit his first of many- in Adidas Predators, nae fancy dan colours for him, against Hearts and the soon to be golden booted, talented but misguided Di Canio reducing a stand to rubble at Helms Deep just like Sammy.

On we go and you have Marko Viduka’s first goal at CP- quiz time was it for Zagreb or Celtic? - and Ian Wright’s diving heider then dive bomb- much like his Celtic career after that moment- celebration after, again, a goal against Killie.

Big Sutty got of to a flier wie a terrorising type performance and a winning goal at Tannadeechie but Big Bad John Hartson struggled to begin wie. Can’t remember facts like how many games he went wieoot a goal- I really need to update ma DVD collection- BUT I DO REMEMBER the duck being broken wie a hat trick against Dundee Utd.

It’s a shame to see the “Big Man” ending his career so disillusioned wie the game. It’s maybe made him rich but over the last season and a bit his comments allude to a very sorry figure. The burger quote was ill advised and let his snipers have cheap jibes aboot burgers, laziness, booze and thugishness.

Yes, the big fellow wisnae the maist athletic of Welsh rump but he used his size, power and attributes well. He wis also a natural goalscorer and a wanted player, as his multi million pound transfers prove.

He scored over 100 goals for the Hoops, he became the main Hunskelper and I will remember his numerous goals against them. He loved scoring against them- well; he did have previous wie the workings of the devil- and knew how important it was to us. He also embraced us- like Sutton and Thommo- he knew that we were the biggest and best club he had ever played for. He also like a song and a pint doon the Gallowgate…

John, yer a legend..

Back to debuts and I will jump to BBJ’s replacement. How guid was Vennegor of Hesslelink that day against Hibs. I distinctly remember FaitherG saying to me that day “He’s a player”. I wonder if that player is back…

That day as well, the other goal scorer was Magic Zurawski. Magic was in his second season by that point after a cracking first season. His debut was against Fulham where he missed a late penalty after coming on as a sub and the curse of the Bratislava Away top started.

Magic did break his duck in the Bratislava away top at East End Park, when two goals reminded us of another enigma Pole dancer. The boy was / is a player. His first season proved that. Injury and cannybearsedness after the World Cup made sure that he will be remembered- fondly- as a wan season wonder.

Guid luck Magic. Again, yer goal on ma last ever* visit to ipox will be fondly remembered.

So will Sammy wie the orange bits turn oot to be a success or is it all doon hill from here?

Wie Skippy due a spell in the Bar-L for having the gall to score over twenty goals for us- one mair booking sees a three match ban- and also wie his half the world away trip wie the wizards of Oz this week could we see the “orange ones” floating past Zander Diamond on Sunday and them being a regular feature in the coming weeks?

I for wan hope to see Sammy but…. lose the boots eh?

Forza

*Only unless I really need to go back there for winning the league or something as important..