Celtic Bi-Polar Manic Episode Syndrome

A Celtic fan, looks on as another misplaced Lee Naylor pass finds touch...

When I got back hame last night, there was an interview on BBC 4- ok, I couldnae watch Sky Sports News or Setanta Sports News- wie Stephen Fry, which he talked aboot his manic bi-polar depression, which causes him to have episodes when he basically becomes another person. While, not making light of this condition, I reckon I had an episode last night and I reckon I will have numerous mair before the season is oot.

This playing catch up- all oor ain doing, mind it was oors to throw away and we are dain’ it we some sort of style, style usually seen on the Paris catwalks and the boutiques of Milano- while not firing on all cylinders but turning in ok performances but not guid enough ones caused me to have one such “episode” last night. An episode that I didnae realise i was having until it was over.

Think Basil Fawlty battering his mini wie a tree.

Scott Broony caused ma Basil Fawlty moment.

Aboot ten minutes to go, I think, he done his usual drive from the middle into a group of three players at the edge of the box, he then somehow managed to come oot wie the ba' and Andy Hinkel had made a 40 yard overlap run past him. Hinkel was perfect for a wee ba' oot wide, which wid have resulted in either him being through for a shot on goal or in a decent position to put the ba' across.

Scott Broonys ba' went oot for a shy.

Before I knew it was screaming "f*ck, f*ck, f*cking, f*ck"- this went on for the duration of the episode- while jumping up and doon, waving ma arms up and doon booting the empty seat in front of me. The episode ended wie me screaming "arrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhggggggggggggggggg" while attempting to rip ma hair oot through ma hat and slumping in ma seat wie a mumbled "f*ck".

Ma Cousin looked at me and said "You looked like Frank Gallagher- due to the green parka, not the hair, the alkieness or drug abuse- on a comedoon".

Thank god the stadium- mair importantly ma area- was empty and not a lot of people saw it. This is the second incident I have had reported of this. Ma Nee’bour- Kaney- girlfriend went roond to see MrG during the Hibs away game claim that Kaney had went “Fecking Mental” while watching the first half of that game. That mental she left the hoose.

I wonder how many others have suffered from this syndrome? Is it catching? Is that what throwing the league away to a shite r*ngers team does the normally sane person? Are we reacting to the press pawing over them that we want this so badly to stick it right up them that the little things are now annoying the hell oot of us.

I for one want to boot every medija lackie in the baws- see if they had kilts on it would be twice the fun- and want to see Sally, El Cairdo, Judas Monk, Martin Bain, The Mint and even the bloody queen- that’s before I get started on the players, Stankmonster, Fergiehun, Honeymonster, McCooluck- be dealt a horrible pain, one so bad that they never recover.

Another element of this syndrome is the brewing hatred and need for der huns to get pumped at every conceivable opportunity. I stated that I couldnae give a rats arse aboot what they do but oor failings means I need to give a rats arse what they do. I hate having to give a rats arse what they do.

Maybe it’s the thought of them lording it over us, twice at CP, wie smug reek of Protestantism superiority that I just huvnae accepted yet. Mair likely the fact I canny see us stopping them doing the treble and winning the boat race due to known failings that I just canny handle. I canny handle the fact it’s oor fault, no matter the four pages of proven MIB’s misdemeanours in the current issue of the Alternative View, it’s oor ain fault.

I need to stop this. The game at the weekend canny come quick enough and only performances, goals and wins will stop these episodes happening. That married wie a few defeats and the house of stank collapsing will stop me having to go into a darkened room until the Celtic Bi-Polar Manic Episode Syndrome passes.

Must go, just had a thought aboot booting a corgi off the ipox dressing room wall....

Forza.